- November 23, 2024
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As I was floating on the luxurious waves of Flagler Beach on the Fourth of July, I was pleasantly surprised to see an airplane flying south with a sign that read: FFIREHS ROF REGNILLOP NHOJ TCELE.
I imagine the planning session behind that sign went something like this:
Pollinger: So you’re saying that every other time this sign passes people on the beach, it’s going to be unreadable?
Pilot: That’s correct, sir.
Pollinger: Is there a discount for that?
Pilot: No, sir.
Pollinger: Because it seems like this should be half off, at least.
But Pollinger should not have even thought twice about it. It’s a great advertising strategy because you have to stare at it backwards for a while to figure out what it says: ELECT JOHN POLLINGER FOR SHERIFF. And then, it gives such great pleasure to see the same plane a few minutes later flying north as it pulls the sign as it was intended. What Pollinger should have done, though, was jump out of the plane in a Santa costume and parachute to the beach. People would be thinking, “This is great! Santa in July!” And then Pollinger pulls off the white beard and says, “I’m sheriff candidate John Pollinger, and I approved this death-defying message.”
You have to try hard to stand out in this campaign season, with dozens of candidates crowding each other out on public rights of way. If I were running a campaign, I would recruit a volunteer to move my signs in front of my competitors’ signs, but just by an inch or so every day, so as to be unnoticeable by the human eye.
I’d also scrap the boring old rectangular signs and make some that were huge cutouts of my head, with “McMillan for Sheriff” tattooed across my chin. Or, I could see a lot of benefit out of an optical illusion, a la Magic Eye, where you have to cross your eyes and peer into the future to interpret the image. It might give you a headache, but it’s worth it just to see the 3-D image of the words “McMillan for County Commission” appearing out of thin air. Sure, a few people might crash if they’re trying to do it while driving, but no publicity is bad publicity in a local campaign.
Still, I try not to be too critical of the forest of signs. I know I only have four more months, and when they’re gone after the November election, I’ll miss them dearly. Keep them coming!
— [email protected]
