- November 19, 2024
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Ed Quesenberry, owner of Friends Café in Flagler Beach, said that the name of his establishment is a true indication of the atmosphere he strives to create.
“I have made so many friends in the seven years I have owned the place,” he said. “It’s truly a family and a friend atmosphere.”
So when a recent customer began having an unpleasant experience at the hand of another patron, Ed said he had to “do things the right way.”
Sheryl Perham and her 3-year-old daughter, Kaylee, visit the café frequently. One morning, as the Perham family was entering the restaurant, Kaylee, who is autistic, began to have an episode.
She couldn't handle the crowds, the lack of personal space, and with just a 43-word vocabulary, she began screaming.
As her mother tried to calm her down, a man who was eating at a table by the hostess stood up and started yelling at the child.
“As soon as he started yelling, she shut down,” Sheryl said.
The child lowered her head. Her mother picked her up to comfort her.
“You never want to see your kid like that, and for a stranger to do it….” she told me as we sat for coffee Monday morning. Kaylee sat next to her, a red-and-white polka dot bow in her hair and a chocolate chip cookie in her hand.
Looking back on the incident, Sheryl said she tried to tell the man that her daughter had a neurological disorder, but he kept yelling.
“(Autism) is not like disabilities that are visible,” Sheryl said. “You can’t tell when you look at her. I think it’s important that, regardless of the disability, people should understand not to judge — because she’s so young, they automatically assume it’s bad behavior.”
At this point, Quesenberry came over to defuse the situation.
“It ripped my heart out,” he said. “I love the kids, and autism is something that people don't understand. It was one of those things that I just wanted to make sure they felt comfortable.”
The Perham family decided to stay and eat, and throughout the course of their meal, patrons and staff approached them to offer support.
“It was a nice teaching moment for my son,” Sheryl said. “I got to show him that there are going to be mean people in the world and try to bring you down, but for every mean person there are good people who come and pick you back up.”
But the good was not done yet. When the Perham's meal was finished, Quesenberry refused to take their money.
“It was so wonderful to me that they cared so much,” Sheryl said.
“It’s very humbling to me that people in a bad situation can get good out of it,” he said.
Looking back, Sheryl said the biggest thing she would like to come from the incident is to bring awareness to the community that a disability is not always visible. Kaylee’s meltdowns can last up to 30 minutes, and that’s when Sheryl said people start to stare.
Sheryl also hopes to find other parents of autistic children to either join or start a support group.
— Email [email protected].
