- December 20, 2024
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Sometimes you just have to suck it up and buy some cookie dough.
BY EMILY BLACKWOOD | STAFF WRITER
Valentine’s Day can go one of two ways.
Either I have a boyfriend, and I spend the majority of February mentally preparing myself for disappointment and heart-shaped jewelry I never asked for; or, I don’t have a boyfriend, and I’m in my P.J.s watching "Law and Order" reruns and scarfing half-baked, heart shaped cookies.
But this year is a little weird.
I’m casually seeing someone, so I’m expecting nothing more then a generic “Happy V-Day” text, if that. But I’m not single or sad enough to spend the holiday alone on my couch. It’s time to seek an alternative.
The “girls night out” scenario won’t work because the majority of my best girlfriends are either married or well on their way to be. It’s really rude of them to find their soul mates when I can’t even get a third-grader to be my Valentine. (KIDDING! I’m super happy for your guys. [Eye roll.]).
So, in the hope of finding a plan to be excited about, I created a list of realistic V-Day possibilities. Read it and weep. I mean, well, don't weep. That'd be missing the point. Ugh, just don't take everything I say so literally, OK?
1. Make a list of guys I hate and egg their houses.
2. Burn all my Twilight movies.
3. Find a karaoke bar and make some bad song choices.
4. Paint my nails black.
5. Make a list of current girlfriends of the guys I hate and egg their houses.
6. Finally finish writing my break-up book.
7. Hibernate.
After confronting my very apparent negativity, I realized I might be able to channel this energy into something Instagram-worthy. That’s when the light bulb went off. I’d throw an Anti-Valentine’s Day party.
I could make broken heart-shaped cookies, passive-aggressive conversation hearts and cross-eyed Cupid double fudge brownies. And yes: Everything is food-based. Don't act so surprised.
That's when I created a Pinterest board dedicated to the dark party of my dreams. I stayed up throughout the night pinning “Love Stinks” banners and broken heart nail DIYs before falling asleep on my laptop.
I was awakened by a text from my best (and currently single) friend Tracey, telling me if I threw an Anti-Valentine’s Day Party she wouldn’t be able to make it.
A million aggravated and sarcastic questions ran through my mind. Like, who wouldn’t want to come to a party with stupid cupid cocktails?! Restaurants are going to be packed, and everyone will regret ditching me. They'll see.
But then I turned to the calendar. It was Feb. 10. Valentine’s Day was practically here, and that meant everyone had already planned how to spend it.
So I slowly made my way to Walmart to grab some more cookie dough and a replacement set of Twilight movies. This just goes to show you: Never break out the lighter and kerosene unless you know for sure that your friends are available first. Will I ever learn?
