- November 22, 2024
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That's how it all began.
I was standing in my kitchen, sweeping the floor after a long day of teaching and from behind me, I heard the words, "You can't even sweep right" followed by an immediate brush by me, grabbing the broom from my hands, and finishing the task. I didn't even respond. I didn't know what to say. Thoughts immediately flooded my head.. "Of course I can sweep! Sweeping is easy? You can't even sweep right!" Instead, I said nothing. Shortly after, dinner was made for me and a glass of wine was poured, with kind words accompanying both. I assumed that he just had a bad day and that it would be better tomorrow... I couldn't have been more wrong.
It went from minor insults to hurtful comments about weight, my performance at my career, and people's perception of me. One evening, I was planning to go out of town with my girlfriends, but I couldn't find my car keys anywhere. I searched for an hour and still nothing. I ended up canceling the plans with my friends and staying home. The next day I found my car keys in my fiance's dresser drawers. That's when I realized this wasn't just a bad relationship, it was worse.
Somehow I still couldn't leave. You see, this progression didn't happen overnight. It wasn't one hit or one time cheating or one hateful comment. It was months and weeks and days and minutes of systematically breaking me down. I was isolated from my friends and family. I went from speaking to my mother multiple times a day to not speaking to her for months on end. Writing this now, nearly 10 years later, still brings up feelings of shame and guilt for not seeing it sooner. Anyone who has been here knows that this is the unfortunate truth about surviving the abuse.
I still remember the day I called 911. I was hiding in the brush, on our 3 acres of land. I told the 911 dispatched that she needed to get an officer there because someone was going to die, and I honestly didn't know if it would be me or him. In that moment I knew I needed to leave. I had changed from the woman I was - kind, outspoken, funny, and smart - to a woman who was considering the possibility of killing someone. I remember sitting in that field and saying to myself over and over again, "Something good will come from this. Something good will come from this."
To hear how this working mama took her negative experience and turned it into something positive, read on in next week's column.
