- December 28, 2024
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Being a caregiver is something Irene Tillghman said she learned from her mother.
“I watched my mother care for everybody,” Tillghman said. Eventually, it became natural for her to do the same.
Throughout her professional and personal life, Tillghman, 80, has sought or volunteered for positions that let her take care of others. For years, she said, she worked at a retirement home as the activity’s director. She loved that job and the residents — so much so that when several of them died, Tillghman said she felt she had to leave.
Tillghman said she may have gotten too attached to the residents there — to the point she used to joke about doing the work for free.
“How can you get paid to make people happy,” she said.
She and her husband Lee Tillghman moved to Flagler Beach in 2003. Not long after, she said she joined the first committee of the Flagler Beach Santa Maria Del Mar Catholic Church’s community meals, which she has been working with for close to 15 years now.
Tillghman said for a long time she was one of the community meal cooks and even began taking large portions of soup to elderly members in the community who couldn’t make it to the meals on their own. To them, she said, she became known as “the soup lady.”
How can you get paid to make people happy?”
— IRENE TILLGHMAN, DAV Auxiliary volunteer and adjutant
Tillghman's daughter Lisa Alberta said her mother's generous and giving nature is a generational affair. Alberta said Tillghman's mother and Tillghman's grandfather were the same way — Tillghman's grandfather even served at soup kitchens, too.
"It's generation after generation of good blood, good deeds," Alberta said.
Not only does her mother volunteer in the community, but, Alberta said, Tillghman has been a cornerstone of their family through hard times: holding the family together when Alberta's nephew died in the Afghanistan war; Tillghman took care of her daughter, Alberta's sister, as she was dying of cancer and was the primary caregiver for her own mother when she died.
It was while Tillghman was caring for her dying mother that she became involved with Flagler County’s Disabled American Veteran Chapter 86 and its Auxiliary organization. Tillghman said she wandered in to do something for her mother, and ended up in their kitchen, once again helping.
“I guess I was born to be a caretaker,” she said.
Flagler County DAV Auxiliary Cmdr. Marty Feidler said Tillghman has now been a part of the DAV Auxiliary for close to a decade.
“She is my right-hand person,” Feidler said. Regardless of her age, she said, Tillghman works hard. “She deserves some special recognition.”
She is my right-hand person. She deserves some special recognition.”
— MARTY FEIDLER, Flagler County DAV Auxiliary commander
Tillghman said she was eventually appointed to the DAV Auxiliary’s adjutant and spent her time taking on more and more projects: visiting veterans in the hospital and retirement homes, putting together the DAV’s Christmas Trees and holiday boxes; organizing quilts and writing cards.
Her favorite part was visiting with the veterans, she said.
“I put my energy into that part of it,” she said. “It was like being activity’s director all over again.”
Alberta said her mother's example is a hard one to live up to, but she's incredible proud of everything she does in the community and their family. Her mother never stops giving to others, Alberta said, and is loved by everyone.
"I'm honored to have her as my mom," Alberta said.
But Tillghman and her husband have had a rough time over the last few years. In October 2022, Lee Tillghman was diagnosed with COVID-19, she said, which accelerated his dementia diagnosis.
Tillghman said she was forced to step away from her volunteer work to focus on her husband.
“The first year was rough,” she said, “because our life was the DAV and the church.”
Recently, she said, she’s finally hired sitters for her husband so she can return to some of her work at the DAV. She doesn’t cook for the community meals anymore, but she still goes every week to socialize with the people who show up for food, and she still takes the elderly community members their soup.
Despite Tillghman being her husband’s primary caregiver and being "totally dedicated" to his care, Feidler said Tillghman still manages to greatly contribute to both the Auxiliary and Santa Maria Del Mar.
“Anything I need, I know I can count on her,” Feidler said.
Being able to help those around her and to just be around people in the community helps her, too, Tillghman said.
“I feel happy when I see people happy,” she said. “It is the best feeling, seeing someone happy.”
